Friday, August 2, 2013

Dear Cork: August 2, 2013

Sorry everyone. I have been a little busy, so I haven't gotten back to your questions in a couple of weeks. With that said, I have received tons of submissions but I can only answer 4. Here are my favorites:

I ordered a rubber oven mitt in the mail. Upon receiving, I discovered that the item was not what I ordered. I was expecting more of a catcher's mitt design because I play hot potato on Wednesday nights. What gives?
(the author requested to remain anonymous) 
Well friend. I can understand your frustration. Let me guess, UPS Ground? Anyway. After further researching the matter, the word "mitt" is a root of the word "mitten." Mittens traditionally separate the thumb with the other 4 fingers encasing them in a cotton womb for your hands. Next time, email the website asking for a preview of the item you are ordering before purchasing it. I had this problem when I ordered a "Vibe Rater" to gauge some of my family members' attitudes come Christmas time. Let's just say Aunt Rita won't be spending the holidays with us anymore!

I have a pressing issue. I desperately want to tell the girl I have been dating, not my girlfriend, that I have a vicious foot fetish that simply cannot be tamed unless I get my fill for feet every morning before I start my day. Even brushing my teeth has to incorporate the foot or I won't be able to concentrate at work. Do you prefer Qdoba or Chipotle?
 -Brian D., Morgantown
Well Brian D., this is a matter that could have its own blog post. I have given Chipotle numerous opportunities to blow me away, but it hasn't. My first trip was a positive one. Pretty decent meal. My second was when I walked across the Clemente Bridge after the Kenny Chesney concert. It was subpar (even after a few lime spritzers). The third trip was terrible. Limited menu item with limited toppings and gristly steak. I have been there 5 times and it gets worse every single time. So I refuse to go back. Qdoba is awesome. Thanks for the question Brian D. 

I don't appreciate some of your views in this blog. I actually love steak sauce and you are probably a douche in real life. Lindsey 
Probably? If you only knew.

So Clark,

I'd consider myself a good looking guy.  But I have my eye on this girl who is just drop dead gorgeous.  I'm afraid she may be too hot for me and I'm not trying to compete with other guys for her.  What should I do?
Best wishes,
Sexy Greg 
I believe in divine intervention. You will run into her eventually and have a conversation.You seem like a straight shooter. And you are a good looking guy greg! I can tell by the way you write. No shame in being cocky. Women love a guy who will put on his sunday bests and cut-a-rug on the dance floor. Next time you see this girl at your local watering hole, approach her. Compliment her slacks or something. Personally, I wouldn't do that. But that seems like something sexy Greg would do! Thanks Gregory!

Send your questions to and I will answer them next time.